Friday, April 30, 2010


Yesterday was a very blustery day where I live. Things were blowing around and you suddenly saw many things that didn't belong where they landed. Parts of billboard advertisements flapping in the wind, a child's sock on a car hood, plastic bags as ornaments on trees.

While driving home, I was fascinated with watching this black plastic bag swirling and dancing in the wind. Yes, I said dancing. It swooped so gracefully, soared and then pirouetted as if it was dancing with the wind as its partner. I was mesmerized until the car behind me honked and brought me back to reality.
I'm told that I have a great imagination. As a child I use to create storybook lands on the playground with my friend Inger. We used to ride on horses through a magical forest, live in a cave on the 4 square court and hunt for food at the lunch tables. She was an excellent artist and we would put our stories down on paper then she would illustrate them. I wish I still had them to show to my daughter.

I have another friend from High School whom I really had nothing in common with except the fact that we both loved whimsical things. We would write notes to each other in invisible ink, she would doodle frogs, fairies and unicorns on the outside of the notes. We would have picnics in the park, blow bubbles and name our goldfish crackers before we ate them. We would bake massive amounts of cut out sugar cookies in silly shapes like roosters and horses, decorate them and give them away. We are still friends, but she now does silly things with her little one but now and then a wave of silly would pass over one of us and something would be delivered to our mailboxes.

I like my imagination. I like that I can visualize creations and want to make them happen. I like seeing pictures in the clouds. I like being able to make up silly songs on the spur of the moment. I often see faces in tree branches, ceiling tiles and splotches on the ground. I've had friends who couldn't see what I see and guess what...we are no longer friends. The ones I keep are the ones with open minds, wide eyes and endless possibilities, who aren't afraid of jumping in rain puddles and coloring in coloring books. My hubby sometimes think I should put my feet on the ground and be more grown up, yes I should I suppose, But instead I stick my tongue out at him and chase the ice cream truck.

Excuse me now, so I can go pick up my kidling and embarrass her in front of her friends. I may just show up wearing my Superman Cape and roller skates!

Saturday, April 03, 2010

A Sister's Love

I don't really like birthdays that much because it's a scientific method of counting your way out of future existence. But I like when birthdays linger into days, weeks even a month. My sister and mom took me out for my birthday on the 27th of March, when my birthday is on the 1st. It was the first time in our lifetimes that all three of us had dinner together ALONE, without husbands, children and others. We had a great time and we laughed a lot, which I needed.

I am the older sister, but my sister sometimes acts like she is. Her demeanor, her lifestyle, even her style, scream "older" and I sometimes feel like a kid, irresponsible, childish, and out of control. My sister gave me a beautiful silk scarf from artist Laurel Burch and I thought, wow a scarf, this is pretty, but I don't really wear scarves. Then she explained why she gave me the scarf, it was a beautiful palette of purples and blues and it had horses on it. She said that she always remembered how much I loved horses and that the scarf reminded her of our childhood. That made me fall in love with that scarf immediately! We are 4 years apart. I did love horses when I was a kid, my whole room was filled with posters of them, my bookshelves filled with books about them, I had a horse collection from Breyer and I even had them on my shirts. When I was 12 I actually had a horse for a little while (That's another story).

I wasn't the best sister, I tortured her, I threatened her with harm if she told about my boyfriends, I left when I was 15 (not willingly), then we lost touch and she moved to Alaska where we corresponded via snail mail and then we got close again. We missed huge chunks of each other's lives, but are trying hard to catch up. She wrote me an amazing card, but I don't feel like I deserve it. She said that I was there for her, but I don't believe it. I remember feeling guilty for not being there for her. She says she looks up to me, I don't see anything extraordinary that she should look up to. If anything I look up to her. She has accomplished so much in her life, things that I admire, that inspire me and that makes me envy her. I am proud that she is my sister and I am humbled that she admires me. I am often ashamed of my life and wish there was a delete button that can erase the past, but people tell me it's part of the journey of who I have become so it's important.

My goal is to appreciate my life for now, after all I'm 1/2 way to 90 or 5 years away to a 1/2 century. To love my sister as much as I can and to live up to what she sees. I love you T and you are also a part of me, one of the best parts of me. You are beautiful, never doubt it!