Faith and Hope

My sister's dog is missing. He got out from the backyard and the whole weekend, she, her family and friends have been searching for him. He is her child, as are my dogs to me. People who don't understand this are not true pet lovers. You cannot have a pet and not have it become part of your family. I don't care if it's a fish, hamster, dog, horse or lizard. THEY ARE OUR BABIES!!!

The most heartbreaking thing about this is you feel so helpless. The unknown is so scary. You are hoping he is with a nice family that is taking care of him and he is cozy and warm, but missing his family. You see the cold outside and the potential of snow and the worry washes over you like a cloud. The house feels empty and looking at your children's faces, the heartache begins again. I think it is worse when your pet is lost than when it passes. Don't get me wrong, your heart breaks into a million pieces when your pet crosses the rainbow bridge, but when it's lost, you are constantly in a state of wondering. He is well taken care of, had a collar and is microchipped. If you found him, you would know that he was from a home that loved him. You should WANT to have him returned to his family. When you find a pet that is lost, you must do everything possible to get them back to their family. You can't be so selfish to keep the pet, knowing that somewhere a family is torn apart with worry and guilt and sorrow.

I am sending good thoughts out into the universe. I have hope and faith that the love of this family for their furbaby will be rewarded with him returning. I am not a religious person and I don't pray, but if it takes prayer to help my sister and her family, I will do it. I love them that much!

If you are reading this blog and are within the area where he was lost, please pass this onto any social networks you are on. Let's bring Mickey home to his family. We are waiting for him. Thanks so much for reading this.

Love Letter to my 18 Year Old Daughter

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday. It seems like only yesterday, she was my baby monkey and now she's a woman, with a boyfriend and graduating High School in 6 months. Staying out all night having fun with her friends and me being a mother that isn't worried because I KNOW her friends.

She's my only one. We never got around to others. I guess when you have perfection, you don't need to try again. Besides the teen attitude, she has always been a great kid. She is talented, loving, loyal and good. Yes, good. A rare commodity in this day and age. She's better than me. She admonishes me when I swear. She calls me out when I get judgy. When I get down on myself, she's my cheerleader. Yes there are times when I'm "annoying" and embarrass her, but that's my job right?

I try to give her everything she needs. She has had many adventures that I could only dream of when I was her age. Her life growing up is VERY different from me and my husband's childhoods. She has good values which I guess she learned from us. It breaks my heart that I can't shower her with riches because we are on empty in that department. I think of her future and hope that she has learned enough from us to keep her on the right path. We had a meager Christmas and when asked what she would like for Christmas, she said we had given her enough through the year and she was fine. Of course we were going to get her things, but not huge things that we had in the past. The same goes for her birthday, tokens of our love, but nothing extravagant. Oh how I wish I could do extravagant!

There is not a day when I don't question my parenting skills. I am not going to cop out like my family did and blame it on the fact that "They didn't know how to parent because their parents were bad". My parents were bad. My dad because he's a jerk and my mom because she was scared. My sister and I overcompensate with our kids because we want them to have everything we never did. Thank goodness they are not spoiled! We agree that everyday we learn and that we want to shelter them from the big, bad world, but sadly unless we lock them up and throw away the key, we cannot. And we have to let them go.

My hubby and I always joke with our girl that when she hits 18, we will have her suitcase on the doorstep, ready for her to move out. Secretly, I never want her out of my life. She insists she doesn't want to live with us till she's 30, but I'd be fine with that. When the time comes when she does leave my nest, I'll have to do everything in my power to fill in the hole in my heart that will appear because she is pretty much my life.

So Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl. I wish you all the good things in life because you truly deserve them! You are the love of my life forever and always.

Forever yours,

Mom

10 Days Sugar Free?

Yesterday was my first day without processed sugar. I'm sure some passed my lips in the form of other foods, but I tried to consciously not take in any sugar. It was o.k. I had to think before I ate, which is a good thing. Of course that didn't stop me from consuming salty things. That'll be another time, baby steps.

I decided I'll try to stop processed sugar to see if it really has any effect on me. I've given myself 10 days and if I do feel better, I can add more days. I eat emotionally and mostly in the form of candy and chocolate. I'm lucky that I don't drink soda, although the McDonald's Sweet Tea is my best friend and enemy!

I am planning to do my lab tests soon and hopefully that'll help my doctor see if I need my thyroid medication dosage raised or reduced. I'm thinking raised. I have to find out about this massive fatigue issue I have. Again, baby steps.

I'm bummed because my puppy jumped on me last night and now I'm having a hard time turning my head to the right and lifting my right arm. It's painful and annoying. I've taken some ibuprofen and hopefully that'll kick in soon. I'm also starting to take calcium because I read it helps with RLS which I've been having a lot of lately. Also, since I found that I'm lactose intolerant and drinking Almond Milk, I'm not getting as much dairy calcium as I'm used to.

O.K. off I go to work, day 2 of my journey. I'm hoping the stress level will be minimal today!

Turning Over a New Leaf?

Wow, it's been over a year since I've last posted on this blog. Since then there has been lots of ups and downs and sideways, but I keep pressing on.

What does the title mean you ask? It is a term that is widely used about changing something for a better perspective. I am hoping to do a lot of changing, hoping, being the operative word.

I figured the first day of the month will be a jumping off point. I am great with grand visions of how I would like things to be, but not so great with the follow through, unless someone is kicking me in the butt. And even then it's with grief that I continue on. One of the main characteristics of a lifetime member of the procrastinator's club.

I decided to embark on this journey for a few reasons. One, I feel sad every day. I have a job, which I'm thankful for, but it is toxic and stressful. I see my beautiful daughter, about to turn 18, a senior in High School and I ache that she will be leaving me soon. My husband and I are on different time schedules and it's hard to have quality time together when we are hardly awake at the same time.

I've let myself go and I hate looking in the mirror. I've just given up and it shows. My Aunt went on a 100 day Vegan diet and it was inspirational. I don't know that I could go completely vegan, but maybe not eating fast food every other day is a start. When I look at family photos, I immediately focus on how hideous I look. I want to look at a photo of me and say, "I don't look half bad!".

I'm not quite sure what the process will be, but I will consciously make an effort to take care of myself better. Yes dear, that mean's finally going to the doctor to take my tests. Eating better and maybe moving a little bit more. Summer is a yucky time to start moving because it gets so hot, you don't even want to move, but early a.m. or eve is cooler.

I will tackle the chaos that is the cave, a tiny bit at a time so as not to become overwhelmed and give up. My usual MO. Instead of whining about being broke, I will list things on www.yardsellr.com so hopefully people will buy my stuff and I will have more green.

Speaking of lack of green, I will try to cut out my shopping therapy habit and my emotional eating habit and replace these with more productive things. What you ask? Not sure, but it will be less invasive on my  pocketbook.

O.K. now that I have put this out to the universe, I have accountability. If anything I can look back at this post and go, ummm yeah, when is this all starting? Or give myself high praise for actually doing some of the things I hoped to be doing.

Wish me luck and send me a few swift kicks for good measure. Today is going to be a good day right?

My Hubby is so Cool!

When we were first dating, I was the adventurous one and he was the creature of habit. Strawberry ice cream to my chocolate malted crunch, his hamburgers to my falafel and it was fun to help open his eyes to new things.

When we got married, he stayed in the same job forever and ordered the same things at restaurants and didn't stray much from the "safety" of his comfort zone. I took dance classes, sang karaoke, went white water rafting and hung out with the girls.

A few years ago, something happened to my safe hubby. He started to bloom and got interested in acting and film making. While he was acting, he met other actors. From those actors, he made new friends and from those friends he networked and found more people that had similar interests. He is now retired from his job and will be filming a movie short starring him and his friends. He wrote the script, casted it and will edit it himself. He starts filming next week.

What's funny about all this is, we switched roles. Now I come home and "cave" in my room. I don't really feel motivated to go out and do stuff unless I have to, or am prodded. I spend my weekends thinking of things I need to do, but don't really do them.

Last night, I was shockingly spontaneous and took my kidling and her friend to a concert at a record store in Hollywood and it was great. Next week, there is another one, but I don't have anyone to go with, and I'm thinking I may just go alone. I really want to be like the me from yesteryear, but I don't feel I have the energy or the gumption. If I can manage a happy medium, it might just work out. Nevertheless, I now see my hubby with new eyes, he's a go-getting, TCB kinda guy now. I'm kind of jealous of him. Does that make me a bad person?

I Got Gypped!

I know Mother's Day was on the 8th and I wanted to post something but life again has gotten in the way.

My Mother's Day was just another Sunday. My daughter had a performance that day, so I drove her and her friends in the morning, then returned later on for the performance. I ate a microwaved breakfast and besides the uttering of "Happy Mother's Day" from my child and husband, it was uneventful. My friends did better than my own family, I received texts and greetings on Facebook.

I was a poor daughter as well, because I didn't call my mother or my sister to wish them well. I knew they were both going to be together because they live close, but after coming home from the performance, it slipped my mind.

I admit, I felt a little guilty, but again, my feelings were hurt that my family did not engage in the "typical" Mother's Day Celebration. Breakfast, flowers, sonnets of love declaring I'm the best Mom in the World! I miss the cheesy picture frames, pins made of puzzle pieces, ceramic trivets and clay hand prints of days gone by. When I mention this to my daughter, she replies, "Mom, I'm not in Elementary School anymore!". *Sigh* if only...

I guess if I really want to get even, I could just forget someone's birthday, or get my hubby a really fantastic, expensive gift for Father's Day and make him feel guilty. I guess I just need to realize that EVERYDAY is Mother's Day and remember the little things that make you smile the rest of the 364 days of the year!

25 Years of Wedded...Adventure

Twenty five years ago today, I was a blushing bride dressed in pink with flowers in her hair, waiting for her dashing groom dressed in tails and black leather pants to start our lives together. With our family and friends surrounding us in the Kamikaze Room Bar at the Red Onion restaurant in Marina Del Rey, we joined hands in matrimony. We were married by a priest that was a friend of the grooms who had never done a wedding before. The photographs were taken by a friend of the bride's. The 2 bridesmaids dressed in white chose their own dresses, but coincidentally the fabric matched. Me and the 2 bridesmaids secretly went to a jewelry store to get a wedding ring for the groom before the wedding as a surprise. It was quite a sight to see, me in my wedding dress, running down the street. It seemed that everything fit that day, except the piano.

I really wanted to have my sister sing at the wedding, but they never brought up the piano. This was really the only thing that upset me but the surprise wedding ring for my husband evened it out. The Best Man knew we only had one ring, but when the preacher kept saying, "With these rings, he was trying to send him signals and looked very irritated". Finally when we took out the ring, he understood.

We paid for our own wedding. I bought my dresses with my employee discount at the dress store where I worked. We had Mexican food catered by the restaurant. We got a sheet cake instead of a fancy wedding cake. I hand wrote the invitations and the thank you cards. We were our own DJ's, playing a mix tape that we made. And the Groom even sang a song. Everyone had a good time until they kicked us out because a pay per view fight was happening that evening. The things we do for love. Love that has lasted us over 25 years.

A lot of things in the wedding paralleled our marriage. There were fun times, disappointment, surprises, lots of Mexican food, frugal times and irritation. But it is all a journey and the journey continues. We are not the exact same people we were back then, but we are still husband and wife. With a child and mother-in-law and a new house husband, everyday is an adventure. And hopefully our adventure will continue until our 50th Anniversary!