Love Letter to my 18 Year Old Daughter

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday. It seems like only yesterday, she was my baby monkey and now she's a woman, with a boyfriend and graduating High School in 6 months. Staying out all night having fun with her friends and me being a mother that isn't worried because I KNOW her friends.

She's my only one. We never got around to others. I guess when you have perfection, you don't need to try again. Besides the teen attitude, she has always been a great kid. She is talented, loving, loyal and good. Yes, good. A rare commodity in this day and age. She's better than me. She admonishes me when I swear. She calls me out when I get judgy. When I get down on myself, she's my cheerleader. Yes there are times when I'm "annoying" and embarrass her, but that's my job right?

I try to give her everything she needs. She has had many adventures that I could only dream of when I was her age. Her life growing up is VERY different from me and my husband's childhoods. She has good values which I guess she learned from us. It breaks my heart that I can't shower her with riches because we are on empty in that department. I think of her future and hope that she has learned enough from us to keep her on the right path. We had a meager Christmas and when asked what she would like for Christmas, she said we had given her enough through the year and she was fine. Of course we were going to get her things, but not huge things that we had in the past. The same goes for her birthday, tokens of our love, but nothing extravagant. Oh how I wish I could do extravagant!

There is not a day when I don't question my parenting skills. I am not going to cop out like my family did and blame it on the fact that "They didn't know how to parent because their parents were bad". My parents were bad. My dad because he's a jerk and my mom because she was scared. My sister and I overcompensate with our kids because we want them to have everything we never did. Thank goodness they are not spoiled! We agree that everyday we learn and that we want to shelter them from the big, bad world, but sadly unless we lock them up and throw away the key, we cannot. And we have to let them go.

My hubby and I always joke with our girl that when she hits 18, we will have her suitcase on the doorstep, ready for her to move out. Secretly, I never want her out of my life. She insists she doesn't want to live with us till she's 30, but I'd be fine with that. When the time comes when she does leave my nest, I'll have to do everything in my power to fill in the hole in my heart that will appear because she is pretty much my life.

So Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl. I wish you all the good things in life because you truly deserve them! You are the love of my life forever and always.

Forever yours,

Mom

Don't Fly Away Too Soon

In two weeks, my daughter is going to be 15 1/2 years old. She will be able to get her driving permit. In another 6 months, she will be able to get a job. Soon there will be boyfriends and dances and trips away with friends. Then High School graduation, college and moving away from home. My husband and I often threaten her that when she turns 18, her suitcase will be on the porch and we will be waving goodbye. But really that will be the first day of my heartbreak.

Having only one child, I am very possessive of her. She was always independent and free and never suffered any separation anxiety when she left us. In a way, that hurt my feelings but at the same time, made me proud. I want her to need me. She is needing me less and less during her teen years. I guess these are the years that parents don't feel appreciated. I know what kind of girl she is and I believe I am the reason for it. But I want to protect her from the big, bad world.

My family never protected me when I was young, I had to fend for myself. I did my best, but have many scars. I know that she needs to overcome obstacles on her own, but it will be hard for me to let her. I hope she knows that I only want the best for her and that she is my joy and my reason to live. I heard this song by Ingrid Michaelson called A Bird's Song. Click the link and you can watch a poignant slideshow to the song. I hope I can keep my bird close by but not locked up in a cage. Don't fly away too soon or too far from me!