10 Days Sugar Free?

Yesterday was my first day without processed sugar. I'm sure some passed my lips in the form of other foods, but I tried to consciously not take in any sugar. It was o.k. I had to think before I ate, which is a good thing. Of course that didn't stop me from consuming salty things. That'll be another time, baby steps.

I decided I'll try to stop processed sugar to see if it really has any effect on me. I've given myself 10 days and if I do feel better, I can add more days. I eat emotionally and mostly in the form of candy and chocolate. I'm lucky that I don't drink soda, although the McDonald's Sweet Tea is my best friend and enemy!

I am planning to do my lab tests soon and hopefully that'll help my doctor see if I need my thyroid medication dosage raised or reduced. I'm thinking raised. I have to find out about this massive fatigue issue I have. Again, baby steps.

I'm bummed because my puppy jumped on me last night and now I'm having a hard time turning my head to the right and lifting my right arm. It's painful and annoying. I've taken some ibuprofen and hopefully that'll kick in soon. I'm also starting to take calcium because I read it helps with RLS which I've been having a lot of lately. Also, since I found that I'm lactose intolerant and drinking Almond Milk, I'm not getting as much dairy calcium as I'm used to.

O.K. off I go to work, day 2 of my journey. I'm hoping the stress level will be minimal today!

Turning Over a New Leaf?

Wow, it's been over a year since I've last posted on this blog. Since then there has been lots of ups and downs and sideways, but I keep pressing on.

What does the title mean you ask? It is a term that is widely used about changing something for a better perspective. I am hoping to do a lot of changing, hoping, being the operative word.

I figured the first day of the month will be a jumping off point. I am great with grand visions of how I would like things to be, but not so great with the follow through, unless someone is kicking me in the butt. And even then it's with grief that I continue on. One of the main characteristics of a lifetime member of the procrastinator's club.

I decided to embark on this journey for a few reasons. One, I feel sad every day. I have a job, which I'm thankful for, but it is toxic and stressful. I see my beautiful daughter, about to turn 18, a senior in High School and I ache that she will be leaving me soon. My husband and I are on different time schedules and it's hard to have quality time together when we are hardly awake at the same time.

I've let myself go and I hate looking in the mirror. I've just given up and it shows. My Aunt went on a 100 day Vegan diet and it was inspirational. I don't know that I could go completely vegan, but maybe not eating fast food every other day is a start. When I look at family photos, I immediately focus on how hideous I look. I want to look at a photo of me and say, "I don't look half bad!".

I'm not quite sure what the process will be, but I will consciously make an effort to take care of myself better. Yes dear, that mean's finally going to the doctor to take my tests. Eating better and maybe moving a little bit more. Summer is a yucky time to start moving because it gets so hot, you don't even want to move, but early a.m. or eve is cooler.

I will tackle the chaos that is the cave, a tiny bit at a time so as not to become overwhelmed and give up. My usual MO. Instead of whining about being broke, I will list things on www.yardsellr.com so hopefully people will buy my stuff and I will have more green.

Speaking of lack of green, I will try to cut out my shopping therapy habit and my emotional eating habit and replace these with more productive things. What you ask? Not sure, but it will be less invasive on my  pocketbook.

O.K. now that I have put this out to the universe, I have accountability. If anything I can look back at this post and go, ummm yeah, when is this all starting? Or give myself high praise for actually doing some of the things I hoped to be doing.

Wish me luck and send me a few swift kicks for good measure. Today is going to be a good day right?

A Mother's Love?

This is a picture of the wonderful breakfast my daughter made me on Mother's Day. She was so excited, she woke me up early but it was fine. The effort was worth it and although it was a little cold, it was made with love so it was delicious. I think Mother's Day is funny because for all mothers do, we only get one day. I'm all for the "Everyday is Mother's Day" mentality, but it is unreasonable because there are things called "teenagers" running around. When the numbers hit the teens, they decide that they know better than mom and when they realize later that mom is right, they are quite sheepish. But think back when we were rebellious teenagers, challenging our moms and we can kind of understand what's going on with our teens. We don't have to like it, but we understand.

I was watching the news tonight and was distressed at a story about a mother and her boyfriend arrested for torturing and murdering her 2 year old son. They concocted a story about him being missing on Mother's Day, but after many holes in their stories and finding a shallow grave with a little boy which matched the description of the "missing" child, the police arrested the couple. This made me sick and sad. It made me think about what a "mother's love" really is.

There are women out there that do not deserve to be mothers who have many children, then there are women who cannot have children who have the love to give and would make excellent mothers. How is it fair that this child had to lose his life because he was unlucky to have a woman who didn't have a mother's love? It is too bad that there isn't a test or license you need to make sure you are capable of being a good mother and have the proper love to give a child. Sadly, I'm not sure I would've passed the test myself. I'm always questioning myself whether I'm a good mother or not. My friends and family assure me that I am, but sometimes when I look back, I'm doubtful. I have an amazing daughter that I know will be successful as an adult. I guess in a way I've contributed to that. Not having an affectionate and supporting mother growing up, I just learned by observing "good" mothers and also how I would've liked to be treated as a kid.

I've known "Brady Bunch" moms, career moms, step moms and grand-moms who took their job of mothering very seriously. I've also seen some lousy moms and tried to let the children know that it's not their fault that they got stuck with a sucky mom. Any mom who chooses a man over their children should have their mom license revoked. Any mom who kills the dreams and self worth of their children should be sent away to a cave. Any mom who physically hurts or tortures a child should go away forever by any means necessary. Children are the victim of circumstance. Sometimes they can rise above it and sometimes they choose the wrong path because of it. I know, I've lived it and fortunately made most of the right choices that led me where I am today. I didn't have my child until I was 30 because I was frightened that I wouldn't be a good mom. I admit that I do live vicariously through my child, but as long as she is happy, I'm happy.

Every day is a journey and as long as you obtain knowledge, grow and continue to love, you'll be the best mom you can be!